Today I feel like giving myself a pat on the back for managing to feed my family of three on the small amount of money we have every month. We eat far too much pasta for my husband’s liking and can’t afford the Doritos my daughter asks for every time we go grocery shopping but they at least are not going hungry. There was a couple on Rachel Ray a few months ago that said their weekly food budget was $60.00 a week. I wish I had that. It’s funny how just a few months ago when I still worked full time I thought we were hard pressed to live on $600.00 a month for food. Necessity makes you creative and helps you to learn to live on a little. I do admit that I personally skip meals and eat only a half portion of dinner to ensure leftovers for my husbands lunch the next day. I do get so angry when he decides to buy lunch instead of eating them. Is it a win if I myself am going hungry? The hunger doesn’t help my anger issues or feeling of resentment so I am making a vow to myself to make sure to take care of myself. I need to eat just as much as the other members of my family.
I am quickly finding out that when people ask you if you enjoy staying home they don’t really want to know the truth. They want to hear you say yes, you love it rather than no it is really boring. Nothing seems to end the conversation quicker than a no. So I am learning to just say yes. I have had some advice to get involved in the school and I just smile because I don’t think I could be more involved. I stay for family reading every morning in my daughters class; I am the co chair of the parents committee as well as a member of three subcommittees; attend all of the monthly assemblies; and all of the parent coffee mornings with the principal. Still I get bored. Then I have to laugh at myself because on paper I wonder how on earth I could be. So I take a deep breath and let go of the what ifs and enjoy what is.
After recently becoming a stay at home mom after almost five years as a working mom I am finding myself reflecting more and more on the pressures and judgements I have been putting on myself. When I was working all I wished for was more time at home and the first few weeks of staying home all I could think about was what I was missing about not working. Now I am starting to embrace the possibilities that I longed for just a few short months ago. I have time to try new hobbies, cook real meals for my family and get involved in my daughter’s new school.
I am learning that I am better than I think I am at things, that I have valuable opinions to add to the school commitee I joined a few days ago, and that everything doesn’t have to be perfect the first time around. My family appreciates my efforts.