As I was getting my pulling down the blinds in my daughter’s room tonight in anticipation of bed time I started thinking about how much she has changed over these last few months of school. It is quite amazing to witness just how much of an impact school has on their maturity levels and their actions. As I watched her pull her pony tail through the back of her baseball hat a few weeks ago I couldn’t help but wonder who taught you that and when did it become such a natural move?
I keep thinking but you are only five and a half when I should be thinking…. yes, you are five and a half and you can put your coat on without flipping it over your head, you just know to pull your pony tail through your hat, and you don’t want your mom to kiss you goodbye in front of all of your friends at the Y. As much as it bothered me for her to call me Mama instead of Mummy, I am starting to miss it now that it is over. Tonight she asked me if I wanted her to grow up like Elsa so should could help me with chores around the house and I told her no, I like her being a five year old.
I didn’t mean to take so long between posts but life is starting to get very busy and I am really enjoying being a stay at home mom now. We had three full days of snow in February and spent time outside as well as several play dates; field trip supervision to the fire station and a local grocery store; and her class has started learning to read so we now have home reading every night.
I took out my sewing machine a few days ago and discovered I am still having tension problems and have too much thread on the bottom but I have left it out on the kitchen table to come back to. I am not going to give up on it as I still want to sew a bunny for her easter basket. I just need to take my time so I don’t get too frustrated.
Yesterday Ms C had a school field trip to the aquarium and unfortunately half way into the day she got sick. She ended up asleep on a bench with her teacher while I took the other two kids in my group around for the last hour of day. Supervising three kids at a public venue has giving me a new respect for parents of multiple kids. Wow is it a lot of hard work to keep them all together and all happy at the same time let alone take a single picture.
Last week C was asking my why I spent so much time at her school and I asked her if she liked that I did. She replied yes and it made me feel really good. I have been really busy with PAC business and also volunteering in her classroom. I love that I get to see her interact with the other kids and get to know her friends. I did make the mistake the other day telling her that I liked her kindergarten friends better than her old daycare friend. She was very upset with me but honestly it is true. Her old friend kept calling her names the entire time she was here for their play date last October whereas her new friends care about her feelings and are imaginative, mature, and polite. Ms C has a current kindergarten best friend and oh my goodness are they so cute together. If I were working I know I would be completely out of touch with this part of her life.
A friend of my husband is giving us their old dresser and bed frame so we will be able to replace the broken things in Ms C’s room. I am excited as her room is just decorated with bits of furniture we had from other rooms and we accidentally cracked her headboard while trying to move it around last fall. My bedroom growing up was such an oasis for me I want to make hers the best we can.
Oh and I did make the paper birds in time for Valentine’s day. Ms C loved them. So much so she was very upset that I wouldn’t let her have them right away. They are now on one of her book shelves.
Two summers ago I found a great plastic frame in a garage sale with the intention of buying some cork board to make it into a bulletin board. I loved the shape and like my daughter it reminded me of a magic mirror. Needless to say the only cork I could find in the stores we in frames and it didn’t make any sense to me to buy something on our limited budget only to destroy it. So it has sat behind our couch for the last eighteen months as a sad little reminder of what could have been. Any time I need to get something from behind the couch I would see it there and get a little sad that my best laid plan was a bust. A couple of days ago I got a great idea… I could use cardboard covered in fabric instead of expensive cork. So I used my glue gun with some trusty dollar store glue and some old fabric from my daughter’s curtains.
Then I glued the fabric covered cardboard into the frame. I first tried the glue gun but it didn’t hold. Luckily we have some Gorilla Glue and I had a lot more success. After everything was secure I pinned a few family pictures in place and then added a few scrap booking flowers onto the front for decoration. A copper colored ribbon that I had on had for another craft I never seemed to create was used as a hanger and it was ready for my daughter’s wall. I do love how it turned out and how I was able to put pictures of the important people in her life in one place.
Today I feel like giving myself a pat on the back for managing to feed my family of three on the small amount of money we have every month. We eat far too much pasta for my husband’s liking and can’t afford the Doritos my daughter asks for every time we go grocery shopping but they at least are not going hungry. There was a couple on Rachel Ray a few months ago that said their weekly food budget was $60.00 a week. I wish I had that. It’s funny how just a few months ago when I still worked full time I thought we were hard pressed to live on $600.00 a month for food. Necessity makes you creative and helps you to learn to live on a little. I do admit that I personally skip meals and eat only a half portion of dinner to ensure leftovers for my husbands lunch the next day. I do get so angry when he decides to buy lunch instead of eating them. Is it a win if I myself am going hungry? The hunger doesn’t help my anger issues or feeling of resentment so I am making a vow to myself to make sure to take care of myself. I need to eat just as much as the other members of my family.
Daily decorating by a five year old
I am quickly finding out that when people ask you if you enjoy staying home they don’t really want to know the truth. They want to hear you say yes, you love it rather than no it is really boring. Nothing seems to end the conversation quicker than a no. So I am learning to just say yes. I have had some advice to get involved in the school and I just smile because I don’t think I could be more involved. I stay for family reading every morning in my daughters class; I am the co chair of the parents committee as well as a member of three subcommittees; attend all of the monthly assemblies; and all of the parent coffee mornings with the principal. Still I get bored. Then I have to laugh at myself because on paper I wonder how on earth I could be. So I take a deep breath and let go of the what ifs and enjoy what is.
I have been thinking a lot lately about how my daughter isn’t really mine anymore. Sure she used to go to daycare and spent a good portion of her day with her providers but it was still within a confined little world. School however is so much different. There are people who know her and that she knows that I don’t. This is a struggle. My five year old bundle of energy, creativity, and goofiness is her own person and a part of this world separate from me. Other people meet her and form opinions of her without my influence or awareness. I can only hope that I am teaching her to be kind, thoughtful, and a good friend.